Is your neighbour a swinger?

After reading what a national newpaper has said about the 'secret swinger codes', I've had a little titter into my cup of tea. Alas, the demise of the pampas grass is sad, but the whole idea of rings, wristbands and pineapple doorknockers is a little bit odd. Why would I want see swinging as a secret club? I'm open to all offers, from newbies or die-hard gangbangers alike.

Perhaps the garden hot-tub is a bit of a give away, I had my doubts about that bloke who works in my local ASDA, I had wondered if he's checked out my nipple pics before...

But in all seriousness, does it matter? I don't think my neighbours would give a monkey's uncle that we get up to a bit of play at the weekend, it's all harmless adult fun. There are worse things a neighbour could be than a swinger.

... you could be living next to a couple who put Jeremy Kyle guests to shame with the four-o'clock-in-the-morning-fights, you could be living next to an arsehole who thinks it's hilarious his leylandii is 40ft high and blocking so much sunlight you have a serious vitamin D deficiency, you could be living next door to a delightful lady who re-homes cats, and currently has 147 of the little buggers, using your garden as a litter tray.

So, in all seriousness, living next door to a swinger is nothing to worry about, in fact, I'm seriously considering that pineapple doorknocker..

Do you know of any secret swinger codes? Tell us about it in our forum...